To Catch You Up

I know it has been a while since I posted on here, so I need to catch you all up on things going on around the Zehr household.

As I posted before we have moved into our own home, a mobile home, but still a home. We began moving in on May 23 and finished unloading the truck on May 24. We are currently trying to make it all fit, get rid of it or store whatever won't fit and can't be sold at a yard sale. The weekend after the move in was spent putting up a shed at the back of the house to store Christmas decorations, things that we can't get rid of but don't have room for now, and things for the yard sale. In the process of getting the shed up, Mom and I were at Home Depot to pick up things, we ran into to a nice man who offered to help us load the supplies into Mom's car. During the process we learned he is an active duty Air Force Sargent who asked if we needed help putting up the shed. I gladly accepted his offer. The next day he came by and spent the entire weekend helping us get everything done. We have a beautiful shed for all the stuff we have overflowing the house at this time. This has helped with getting some room to walk around, it also allows us to unpack boxes one at a time and then bring in another one. The process of setting up the house has been slow, as of today we are still living with boxes and looking for stuff that we need.

The week before we moved we were in Trinidad to watch our daughter graduate. It was a bittersweet weekend. We were excited for her but with the past problems it was not all happiness. She looked beautiful and is now engaged to be married to her love, Derek. That was a surprise of sorts, we had been saying we thought sometime within the year after graduation they would get engaged, but we didn't expect it at graduation. We are happy for them but a little concerned that she might be rushing things, she is putting off college for now to work and plan her wedding. I pray she will decide to go back to college even it is only for her Associates from Trinidad State Junior college.

Ben had surgery on his left hip to correct the same problem he had with the right one, on June 2nd. He is doing well with his recuperation other than one set back. Just before his two week check up, he slipped on the kitchen floor and landed on the left hip. We had to take him in to see his surgeon the next day. We got the good news, seems he may have popped an internal stitch and torn a muscle but no need to go back in to fix anything. He seems to be much better the last couple of days. He is looking forward to his four week checkup when he might be able to get to go swimming. I hope this will come about as he has been so cooped up so far and is so bored.

James has been working so hard at Elitch's. He must be doing so well cause he just began a 10 day schedule of no days off. He has been having a great time when he is not working, the benefits of working at an amusement park are good. He took Ben and Chance to spend the day at Elitch's a few days before Ben's surgery so that Ben would have some fun to think about while he was recuperating for 6 weeks. Then he went to a concert at the park after spending a day there with his girlfriend, they both said it was great.

David has been playing house husband for now. I am hoping he will get a part-time job soon as he is going crazy as well as driving me nuts. I started a job at a liquor store in Watkins, about 3 miles from home. I am working for a man that Michelle works with, she recommended me for the job. Thanks Sis!! So far it is OK, not exactly what I want for a career, but for now it helps with the bills and what VA Disability does not cover. I am still submitting applications in hopes of a job that will suit me more.

That's about all the news here for now. I will try to be more diligent about posting more often to keep everyone up to date. For now, God Bless Everyone!! Come visit when you can!

Moved and Unpacking

We have moved to our "new" home in Aurora. We bought a 1994 Liberty Single wide mobile home that was previously a rental. Yes we have a few things to repair and it has not been cared for in the best manner. Needless to say this has eaten up the remainder of our backpay from the VA. We will try to start saving for a few other things such as a swamp cooler. For now, we have gotten the storage shed up and just about finished the roof, James will get up there tomorrow to put the ridge shingles on for us. Then we need to caulk it in spots and prime the new wood that the company did not prime. Eventually the house and the shed will be painted the same color as this is a requirement of the park we live in. Much discussion will go into choosing a color.

Right now it feels good to be sleeping in our own bed and having much more room to move around without tripping over each other. We are tripping over boxes but I think I have come up with a plan to stop this. I have asked David and the boys to put all the boxes in the shed for the time being, then I will go thru each box one at a time and put things away in the house. This way we can clean the rooms first as they got really tracked up with mud and dirt from the move. The mud came from all the rain we received while moving over Memorial Day weekend, we layed towels down and asked everyone to wipe their feet but you still get it tracked over the new carpet.

Things are slowly getting back to normal for the four of us, seems strange to say that but with Beth living in Trinidad and planning a wedding, I need to get used to it. James is working very hard not only at home but at Elitch's, an amusement park for those of you who do not know. I have not been able to work at this time due to all the moving chaos and the fact we have no phone. Ben is preparing for the surgery on his left hip, Tuesday, June 2nd at noon, I will keep you all posted on his status. David is going to start looking for a job very soon, again, he and I both have a lead on one about 3 miles from here for a friend of my sister, Michelle. Everyone please cross your fingers and toes and say some prayers for this job to work out for us both.

God Bless you all!!

Goodbye THS and Trinidad

Graduation is done! May 17, 2009 we watched our daughter walk across the floor to receive her diploma from Trinidad High. It was a bittersweet moment for both of us. We were thrilled to see her complete her high school education but it means the end of her youth. There are several other factors that go along with this milestone. Most of you know about the problems we have been having with Elizabeth in the past year, many of which have been compounded with our move back to Aurora 6 months ago and her 18th birthday in January. She continues to tell us, not in specific words, but with innuendos, that we are not wanted in her life, yet when something big happens she comes running to us first. This is such a hard thing to deal with, I want to take her in my arms when things happen and just hold her but she pushes me away. So I have come to the conclusion that I must stay away, take the news at a distance and wish her all the best. I was able to hug her and tell her congratulations on her graduation and I told her I love her but the reception from her was very cold. Take it and move on..I told myself. The news of her engagement was a shock to a point but was also expected at sometime within this year of graduation. So I took it with shock the night before graduation when they came to our hotel to tell us, wishing them nothing but happiness which is what every parent wants for their child. The next day I was over my shock enough to go to her party and wish them both the best and to welcome Derek into the family. Going to take some time to get used to saying son-in-law and at least for now I can say she is not pregnant. She does have a job lined up and will begin working soon, I even know and respect her boss, so I am proud of her for doing this as much as I am proud of her for graduating.

We will be saying our final goodbyes to Trinidad this next weekend when we take a moving truck down to retrieve our household goods which have been storage there since the move to Aurora. We have been approved for and will close on a 16x80 ft single wide mobile home in eastern Aurora this week. Though David still does not have a job and I only have my part-time job, we did get a partial increase from the VA which is enough to live on. The mobile home is pre-owned and in good shape, not our dream home but is much better than continuing to live in my parents 5th wheel. We are going to live in this place for at least a year to see if our credit scores improve to purchase something more like what we want. For now, it is 3 bedrooms - one for each of the boys, 2 baths and more square footage than we have had in quite a while. The best part is the laundry room that is so large we can put our freezer in there along with the washer and dryer and still have room to move comfortably. I will take some photos this week when we do our walk through and post them soon.

Thank you everyone who reads this blog and keeps us in your prayers. We will continue to pray for all of you. God Bless everyone!!

Mother's Day 2009

I had really been dreading this day, due to all the problems with Beth. But I have to say, it has been one of the very best Mother's Days I have ever had. First, the tradition on breakfast with my Mom kicked off the day at 9 am. We take our Mom and our kids come along to treat us. So, breakfast for 12 was great. All of us got flowers from our mom and I had one from my boys. There was also a gift from Mom and one from the boys. The made me laugh and cry at the same time with the cards they chose. Then after breakfast we took pictures which I will post later when I get some time. Then the boys treated for me to have a pedicure for the very first time. Turns out that my sister's children were treating them and the grandkids split up the charges for their grandmother to get not only a pedicure but a manicure as well. Then my boys wanted to take their grandmother and I to a movie. We took a raincheck on that as there is nothing that she and I wanted to see at this time. Then we got home to dinner cooking for us. So all in all a great day. I missed you Beth and I hope you had a good day with Marlene.

Happy Mother's Day all and God Bless!

Realizations

As I read the newest blog posting from an online friend, The Hawn Family Weekly, I came to the realization that the problems I have been experiencing with my daughter pale in comparison to the trials this young family is facing. They have two children, both born prematurely and both with problems that many premies face. They have endured by Faith to get their first born, Charlotte to the age of 2. She still has many problems with blood pressure, walking, and her heart but she seems to be catching up to other 2 year olds quickly. I have watched her go from a very sick little one to a cute little bundle of joy for her parents.

Just three months ago, this family faced the birth of another little one, this time a boy. Ryan was born prematurely but quickly moved out of the NICU to come home earlier than his sister did. He seemed to be doing so well until I read the new posting today. It seems Ryan has the same genetic abnormality that his sister does only it is much more severe for him. This little guy may not make it but his family has not given up and they are not turning their back on God!

If you read their posts you will see the strength of their Faith in each word. I know that no matter what happens, they will survive and they will be thanking God for every day they have with their children. That is what I should be doing instead of being depressed over Elizabeth's desire to live her own life without us, I should be celebrating and remembering all the time I have had with her. Then, if or when, she changes her mind to come back to our family, I will be that much more happy. Maybe by taking this direction, I will enjoy my boys more and I pray it will make me a better person towards everyone. I know I have been grumpy and depressed, but I am going to try this new approach and look ahead to the times with my boys and husband. I will be praying for Elizabeth when I pray for strength and patience.

Pray for me, David, James, Ben and Beth please, to be a family once again whenever God's plan allows. God Bless you all!

Time to let GO!

I have come to the conclusion that I must stop trying to help Elizabeth in any shape or form. She has asked many times for my advice but when I give it to her she just says I don't know what I am talking about or just plain ignores me. When she asks for help, I give it to her the best way I know how, but that does not suit her as it is not how she thinks I should have replied. If things are not done the way she thinks they should be done then she thinks I don't care. If I can't do things on her time table or schedule, then I am not making her a priority.

I have decided to sit back and do nothing but wait, to let her do things her way. I will always be here to listen and help but only when she really wants my help and in the manner in which I can help. For the time being, I pray God will give me the patience and the strength to endure. I also pray she will realize I am not the mean, selfish, uncaring person she thinks I am and come to understand I am doing things in the best way possible for the situation I am in.

I love you Beth and always will.

God Bless Everyone.

Feeling Down

I am having one of those days where nothing seems to be going as it should. All I want to do today is cry. Cry for the loss of contact with my daughter, cry for the loss of my own home, cry just to cry. I know that crying does no one any good, for me it only aggravates the headache I have had for days now and only makes it so hard to breathe due to the congestion it causes. But I just can't seem to convince myself to stop. I can't seem to find any happiness.

I feel so alone in my loss of my relationship with Beth. I often question what could I have done differently. I look at my sisters with their daughters, I see problems but I don't see the same harshness that seems to plague Beth and me. At times I am okay with not talking to her because it means there is a calmness in the house, but that only lasts for a short time because then the sadness takes over. I realize that I have made mistakes with her and that I could have done things differently but I am human, we all have to learn from our mistakes. I certainly have. I wish I could go back and do things differently but I don't know that even that would help. I can only hope and pray that Beth will realize that parents are falible and that we are learning at the same time that our children are. I pray she will see that more than anything I Love Her and only want the best for her and most of all...I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR HER.

As for being sad about not having my own home...where do I begin. First I need to say I love my family! But after living away from them for more than 20 years, this has been the most trying time of my life. I love being here to help Mom and Dad but at times I feel so in the way. I don't know if anyone will understand without feeling hurt, but I feel like I am losing me. I pray things will change fast before I totally fall apart and like Humpty Dumpty, I can't be put back together again.